Really, I'm getting tired of this. I'm tired of hurting over things that don't matter, and do matter, and the things I wish could matter.
I am tired of not knowing what to do with Sam. I don't know if I want to marry him, or date him, or break up with him, I have NO IDEA what to do.
He said that he wanted to marry me when I went to see him in Texas, and I said I wasn't sure what I wanted and asked if I could date.
Now I'm all torn up about this other guy that I got my hopes up about, and I feel like everything is wrong inside me.
I thought I knew who and what I wanted in my life. I really did. Then Sam left for the military and nothing is the same. It's like my feelings change every other ten minutes. First I miss him, love him, want him, then I am considering the fact that breaking it off might be the more sensible thing to do, for both of us.
I feel like slamming my head into a wall.
And drama.. sucks balls. No matter how far you try to run from it, or ignore it, or deal with it, it always rears its ugly head right at the time that you want it the least.
I'm sorry, I'm just really tired, extremely sad, terribly emotional, and just messed up over everything right now. Thanks for letting me get some of it out
Love you guys, hope you are all doing well.
xo
-Nessa-
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most girls break up with their boyfirends/husbands when they join the military, in fact while he is in there, he is hearing stories all day about how so and so's girl is cheating on him, and so and so sent a video of her cheating on him, it goes on all day, in fact me and deena broke up while i was in the corps! (we only dated for 10 day's) but even that tore me up somehting fearce, so try to picture what that will do to sam after 2 years! please understand that he is in an extreamly stressfull enviroment.
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