I guess it's time for one of these again

Hi everybody, it's been a while, as always.

Oh God, where to start.

Job: Making nine an hour now, that's nice. Still hate pizza, but I'm starting to think that if I quit, all my friends will starve :). I can't quit until the summer because my boss is losing all of his employees, and as often as everyone says 'Look out for you and do what's best for yourself' I hate leaving someone in a pile of crap if I don't have to.

Car: I found a Del Sol that seemed to be a good deal.. the guy Ryan that I am trying to get it from is being such a pain in the ass about getting it checked out, among other things, that I am starting to think it's not worth it. If it's going to work out, its going to work out. I will continue to persist just a little bit more, I don't want to give up yet, but the money just keeps adding up to be too much.

Living status: Still with Angel. I found a three bedroom, two floor apartment/house that seemed like an awesome deal, 800 for a couple and 900 for three people. And that price includes utilities. It also comes with a couch, No pets, no partying, but I'm alright with that. I can't seem to find roommates fast enough, though, and I'm worried I'll miss my chance.
Living with Angelique is great, as always, but I'm just starting to get tired of the small things. Can't watch anything on Sunday that isn't deemed "Sunday appropriate", no boys in the bedrooms, keep it down past nine because the baby is asleep in the basement... I want to have my own place so badly.

Valentines is in a few days.. I think this is the first one that I will be spending alone since I was about thirteen years old. I'm alright with that, but it's still going to live up to its 'Single's Awareness Day' status.
It's odd being single. I'm sure I could find someone that would want to spend the day with me, and I'd probably have a lot of fun.. but all I can really say is that I'm glad I work that day and am considering asking my boss to let me pull a double :P

It's like Dane Cook says.. when you are single it's like everyone else is at a party.. and you are outside that party, looking through the window, standing in the rain, thinking "Nobody invited me to this party.."
And when you are with someone, you are inside the party going "Where is my damn jacket, I've been at this party WAY too long, get me the hell out of here!!"

I've been talking with my brother a lot lately.. I miss him, hell, I always miss him. He's hiding in some desert right now, playing hazmat gooney because he decided to laugh at an officer whilst being chewed out. Got to hand it to my brother.. he can be a real idiot sometimes.
He said that I have until he comes home next to get my life in order, or else he's going to do it for me, his way. I'm a little frightened, I have to admit. Kendall can be.. overwhelming, sometimes.

Tattoos: I've been searching for ways to rip off my first one while pining to get a second.. we all know that I've been wanting a scorpion of sorts for a very long time now. I know they switched around the horoscope dates, and apparently I'm some sap of a Libra now, but I've been a Scorpio most of my life, and I don't care that they've changed them, I want my scorpion tattoo.
It also looks like it's going on my ribs.. I can't seem to find a more convenient place to put it. I want it out of the way, and somewhere most people won't accidentally see it. But I want it.
Gotta get rich first though ;)

I'm going to take this opportunity to post that Alyse's blog is akagoodman.blogspot.com just because i was busy being a retard and didn't actually know what the URL was. I haven't read her blogs in months because of this stupid oversight.
So if anyone else was being silly like me, there you go.

I guess I can talk about Devin a little bit..
I don't know if I've mentioned him. Actually, I'm sure I have, at least once.
I just want to throw in that I'm really grateful for him right now. He's been an enduring friend, which has been exactly what I've been needing as of late.
To clear up any.. speculation, Devin is not my boyfriend. He lives at my house, since his parents kicked him out, and we spend the majority of our time together due to that. He takes me to work now, so I don't have to wake my dad up at ungodly hours to run me over to 5 Buck.
He works graveyards up at Macey's too, so sometimes I will be getting him out of bed just five minutes after he has laid down to go to sleep.
It's at these times that I realize I need to be grateful for the friends I have, and for what they do for me.

I can say the same about my 'family'. (Angel's family, I refer to them as mine now, just so you all know.)
Just yesterday I was flipping out about my car, and what on earth I was going to do without one for much longer. At the dinner table the car situation was briefly discussed, and everyone jumped in to help me. Tai, another renter and Gaelen's best buddy, offered me a friends help to check out the car, Garn offered his car to help me get where I needed to go, and then called his dad to help as well.
They are just the most selfless, loving, wonderful bunch of people. Their giving nature astounds me over and over again.
For instance, I broke a very important rule a few days ago, and Garn was the one to catch me. When I finally go the chance to apologize to him, I felt like just like a child who was about to be punished.
I told him I was wrong, it had been disrespectful of me, and that I was very ashamed of myself, which is the honest truth. Instead of.. reacting negatively, which is what I was expecting, he walked over to me and hugged me. He told me it was okay, and that he thought no less of me for it, that, in fact, he thought very highly of me. He said we all make mistakes, and he said he understands that.
He also did me the courtesy of not telling Papa Penrod what had happened. His "I didn't see the need to tell him, since it was a one time thing." was a half rebuke, but at the same time, he was giving me the chance to prove that his kindness wouldn't go unappreciated.
Which it won't.
Also, his wife, Heidi. I was up late last night, just making food and reading, and she had left some of her notes and lists on the counter, along with notes from what I assume was a lesson in church the past Sunday. I wasn't meaning to snoop or anything like that, but I noticed two things on her list that really spoke to me.
One said "Ask Garn how work went, and really listen to him." Another, "Compliment everyone at the house at least once every day."
Two days ago she had sent me a text, out of the blue, telling me how pretty my hair looked, and how she had kept forgetting to tell me with how busy she had been that day, but she just wanted me to know.
Honestly.. two of the best people I know. Heidi is such a wonderful mother, and Garn astounds me with his unshakable faith in the church and its teachings.
Just.. I love my family, okay? Don't make fun of me haha.

Ohhh I should talk about religion.
So my friend Ryan recently left on his mission , and Megan and I went to his talk in church for his farewell. While I was there.. I felt oddly at peace. Not because of the church or anything, but because I have recently been able to come to grips with my religious stance.
I don't find a need to belong anymore. I don't feel the need to impress, but I also don't feel the need to act out and be visibly different from what the average Mormon should be. I am myself, and while other people will judge, as is our human nature.. I'm just more okay with myself.
I noticed this again when I went to see my Dad talk in church. Few ward members actually recognized me I looked so different (I'm sure that had something to do with me lacking a spiked, pitch black hair-do and wearing about a pound less make-up). But the ones who noticed me said hi, gave me hugs, and seemed genuinely interested in how I was doing.
So there you go, I've transitioned into a more comfortable state. Yay me.

I miss all of you. I'm hoping to see Cameron this weekend. Last time I saw Cori it was on Alyse's birthday when we went to the hot springs, which was forever ago. And Alyse and I never get the chance to hang out anymore since I can't get over to her house to see her.
Jorden is working two jobs trying to take care of his momma to be and two baby boys, and Sam.. well, you know how that goes.

Well, time to go clean up 5 Buck. Hope you are all doing well, keep blogging!!!
-Nessa-