My HTML is broken?

So I get it.

Because I have been with people, forcibly or not, for about a month or so straight now, with no time to myself, I am starting to push everyone away.
I don't want to answer when anyone calls, I don't want to text back unless it's a totally pointless conversation that I know won't end in 'So we should chill sometime."
I don't even answer for my parents. I think the only person I really WANT to see is Sam, because he is the only person I don't see frequently enough!

It's always wake up, donate, go to work, hang out with Angel all day, Nessa come pick me up, hey, let's do something, can you take me here, wanna come over?

I LOVE the attention that I get from people, I love being in social environments in general as long as I am as far from the spotlight as possible.. But the utter lack of me time has made me want to just hit pause and go camp in the mountains above Angel's house for a few days until I think I can handle people again.

I'm also getting tired of things that qualify as totally immature. My version of immature is probably immature to other people.. but still. I'm old enough now to say, 'Hey, I know you know what your talking about, but shut up for a second because I DO actually know some shit.'

I think I have used the word 'immature' more in the past few months that I have in my entire life haha.

And I'm sure that it's immature to sit here venting about all the things that seriously piss me off.. but sometimes that is the only way I can efficiently let off steam and get my head clear.

Honestly, when I stress too much about finances, I have to write everything down and do the math, or else I am fidgety and restless and keep freaking out. I truly CANNOT calm down until I see my results on paper and can reassure myself.

Weird right?

I picked that up from my Dad. He writes everything, and plans his life two weeks in advance. It's not a big deal for things to change within those next two weeks... he just likes having the general idea of where everything is going right there for him to observe.

Side note: Miss Cori, I am so very happy that you have found your scuba boy, I REEEEEEEEAAALLLLYYYYYY want you to post pictures :) All the going on about how great he is and I don't even know what he looks like! C'mon! This is an insult to our friendship!!!! At this point I tried to insert a heart.. but Blogger told me I couldn't put one there. It said my HTML was broken. (Your all going 'I GET IT NOW!!"

I love you.

Seriously.

Post pics.

Anyway. Back to grouching.

I think I need to live on my own. Not in an apartment with friends, not in Angel's basement renting from her dad.. I need to be me. Be accountable for my own actions. I need to learn how to take care of myself, how to cope with being alone, because that is probably how life is going to be for the next little while.

I don't mean alone as in minus Sam or friends in general.. I just mean being on my own.

Also, the more I do the math for the money in my head, the more it seems like I am going to get screwed over by myself and other people if I live with a group. Someone will flake, or I will lose my job.. end result: We all drag each other down.

So I just want my own place up at Wolverine Crossings, with a roommate that I don't know, and my own pack of responsibility weighing down on my shoulders.

Besides. I really have to learn how to manage money. This is starting to get silly lol. I spend every spare penny I have to spend, and Megan finally called me on it tonight. I know I am getting out of hand again, and am starting to spend what I shouldn't.

I shit you not, I almost bought myself a four-hundred dollar Malti-Pom. Maltese/Pomeranian. I was gonna get a loan for two hundred.. so it would have only been two hundred... but yes, that is a lot of money, and a dog is another expense.

I'm insane, I know.

Anyway, I got to go.. I love you all and thanks for getting to the end of this. I'd love to hear thoughts.

-Nessa-