So, I read Cori's latest blog and I realized that I don't have shit to complain about, lol, honestly, her life is going doom, gloom, KABOOM!!! And I am sitting here wanting to have my own personal pity party because Sam has to work this weekend. The weekend I have been looking forward too since two weekends ago.
See, hearing "I work this Saturday" when you have been waiting to go see your boyfriend that your crazy for and miss like a pain in your chest... it's not good. Actually it's rather bad. I think I was having a relatively good night before he told me that.
I guess I am considering just going down there anyway and chilling with Robert or Brittani for the weekend so I can still actually see Sam... But if I asked him he'd probably say "No, don't, just wait, another week isn't so bad." Or something like that.
Considering I just asked him I'll be sure to insert his reply just for progression's sake.
In other news..
I'm working a bit more now. I added about.. 10 hours per week to my schedule. So instead of sixteen it's now twenty six. Which means about 52 hours per paycheck. Which means I am making a little less than one hundred dollars more! I'm so happy!
I don't mean to brag. But seriously. That extra money is going to go a long way. I'm really happy!
I'm going to punch Sam. More like the people who hired him. *sigh*
I keep re-realizing exactly how hard being away from him and doing a long distance relationship is.
Angelique harps on about how I should just break up with Sam and go find some cute random guy to fool around with like she does. Well, not random, but you get the point.
I really would rather tell her to be quiet, because honestly, as nice as it would be to have someone around like Sam used to be, I don't want anyone else.
I think I tried to tell Sam this the other night. I just wanted him to know.. but I don't feel like I can really tell him that sometimes.
So here we go.
I don't want anyone but Sam. I miss being close to him, it drives me crazy to be so far away. I get loved starved and need someone to cuddle with.
But no matter how much I miss him, or want him, or get mad at him.. I still love him. I can be frustrated as hell for him, say, not talking to me. I can chuck my phone at the wall, swear at him, try to dislike him.. but then he tells me he loves me and everything gets erased.
He's everything I ever want. Just how I want it. All his quirks included. Top to bottom, through and through, he's everything to me.
I think if I told him that, in those words, I'd feel like a moron. Oh well.
I miss him.
Horribly.
This sucks.
-Nessa-
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I'm really sorry hun, I know I'm a pain in the butt with my boyfriend. . . I'll try to be less. . . Oh My Gosh! I Love You! when you're around.
ReplyDeletei see what your saying about me and cori, and everyone feels the same way, cori wants to be with me, i really really really want to be with her, she is what makes me me. and im sure she feels the same way. i wish i could be with her, it eats at me everyday, i still have all her pics in my locker at Job Corps. and i still wear her hair tie around my right ankle so she's with me every step of everyday. i miss her like crazy. i find myself saying "if i asked cori about this situation what would she advise me to do?" Truly i do Love Her. everyone feels horible about it. but you see if i didn't love her i wouldn't be able to do this for her. if i didn't love her, i would continue to use her time. and i couldn't live with myself if i did something that horrible to someone so wonderful. "if you love someone give them what they want" so i gave her what she TRUELY wanted. it was the mature thing to do and im glad i had the stragnth to do it. it was realy hard. possibly one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. and i know it was the right thing to do. i know she was happy and god knows i was happy. she doesn't see it now, but someday she will, and thats enough for me. she always told me i was "amazing" i think someday she'll see it. i don't know when but i know it will happen. it was heart wrenching, its like having my heart riped out and now im draging it on the floor behind me as i walk. because it still hurts. i bearly servived. i look at that anklet thingy everyday saying the same "i miss you beautiful" i find myself staring at the pics i wont take down from my locker. so trust me, i know i want to be with her, i know she wants to be with me, and i bet you its the with the same passion as mine. but i cant ask her to wait. i cant become the next brandon that her sister dated for 4 yrs and he didn't ask her to marry him. i cant force someone i love to go through that. i cant become the asshole. i want to kiss her right now and tell her to forgive me for being wrong. but im not wrong. wish i was but im not. truely i wish i was. i smiled more in those 6 months than i have in a long time, with out it being forced. I hope this helps you understand what were both going though.
ReplyDelete~Cameron