Okay so at the end of this I am talking about getting distracted, but in the end I got so distracted that I totally forgot to post this at all (it was supposed to be up on the sixth of this month, so it's a little out dated as far as current events lol). So here you go, my random forgetful, spasmodic post. Enjoy :)
I have my own room now, decorated and everything, it makes me rather happy :).
I didn't end up going to the Korn concert last night, which in the long run I suppose is good, considering I am dirt poor and would probably gotten killed, because I had no one to go with to keep me safe.
Psh, I can totally survive a rock concert, I swear..
Either how, I have chosen to spend this lovely Sunday catching up on Chuck, which I stopped watching because he and Sarah finally got together, and that made the show lame. Seriously though, tell me that the off/on, stomp on my heartstrings romance between them wasn't like half the show. Now that they are all lovey dovey and holed up in a train compartment on the way to France.. I'm bored. So sue me.
Here's my day so far.
Sleep until nine. Wake up very abruptly for no reason.
Go back to my parents house to let out all the kitties (Parents are on vacation without me in Vegas *CRY*), then walk across the yard to the neighbors to take care of THEIR pets.
(EVERYONE WENT ON VACATION WITHOUT ME)
*suffering from abandonment*
Come back home, take care of all the cats and dogs here (See a pattern yet?)
Get back in bed, finish A Knights Tale. (Heath Ledger, if you haven't seen it, please do, its a pretty worthwhile couple of hours.)
Decided I would do laundry, meanwhile enjoying the fact that everyone in the house is dead asleep and I get to have the whole place to myself.
Turned on Chuck, got bored, annoyed and hungry, brought laundry upstairs, got distracted by my camera and Facebook and really awesome new texting app.
Decided I would blog and tell you all these pointless things.
Alyse is home :). She was supposed to leave for Girl's Camp on Monday morning, but she decided not to go because her mommy has to get her gall bladder removed (can someone tell me what the hell a gall bladder is???) and Alyse, understandably, wants to be home to take care of her mother.
I get to give her the fishy I was watching for her back. Whew, lots of responsibility off my shoulders there :). No seriously, if I had killed that fish while she was gone, I would have died, Alyse is like in love with the thing.
She loves fish like I love chocolate, cats, and sex.
No joke.
Okay maybe that last part was a joke.
(Hope no one is busy being offended.)
Also, today, as I was driving up to my parents house, and back from it, I realized that if I ever leave Utah, the one thing I will miss is the fact that there is ZERO traffic on Sundays. I passed maybe five cars on the whole drive, because everyone else was either at church or asleep still.
Speaking of church.
I think I may have figured out where I stand on religion. Sort of. It's still really vague because I am trying to differentiate between what I know to be right as opposed to all the other stuff I think is total bullshit.
Basically, I'm cool with God, Jesus, all of that. But I don't want church in my life. I almost put 'need' where 'want' is, but then I realized someone might try to start a fight over it, saying that 'Of course I NEED the church in my life, it's the only way to true happiness!!!"
I beg to disagree.
(I love that I got distracted by blogging when I am supposed to be uploading new pictures on to my Facebook. Aren't I awesome?)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon
I have my own room now, decorated and everything, it makes me rather happy :).
I didn't end up going to the Korn concert last night, which in the long run I suppose is good, considering I am dirt poor and would probably gotten killed, because I had no one to go with to keep me safe.
Psh, I can totally survive a rock concert, I swear..
Either how, I have chosen to spend this lovely Sunday catching up on Chuck, which I stopped watching because he and Sarah finally got together, and that made the show lame. Seriously though, tell me that the off/on, stomp on my heartstrings romance between them wasn't like half the show. Now that they are all lovey dovey and holed up in a train compartment on the way to France.. I'm bored. So sue me.
Here's my day so far.
Sleep until nine. Wake up very abruptly for no reason.
Go back to my parents house to let out all the kitties (Parents are on vacation without me in Vegas *CRY*), then walk across the yard to the neighbors to take care of THEIR pets.
(EVERYONE WENT ON VACATION WITHOUT ME)
*suffering from abandonment*
Come back home, take care of all the cats and dogs here (See a pattern yet?)
Get back in bed, finish A Knights Tale. (Heath Ledger, if you haven't seen it, please do, its a pretty worthwhile couple of hours.)
Decided I would do laundry, meanwhile enjoying the fact that everyone in the house is dead asleep and I get to have the whole place to myself.
Turned on Chuck, got bored, annoyed and hungry, brought laundry upstairs, got distracted by my camera and Facebook and really awesome new texting app.
Decided I would blog and tell you all these pointless things.
Alyse is home :). She was supposed to leave for Girl's Camp on Monday morning, but she decided not to go because her mommy has to get her gall bladder removed (can someone tell me what the hell a gall bladder is???) and Alyse, understandably, wants to be home to take care of her mother.
I get to give her the fishy I was watching for her back. Whew, lots of responsibility off my shoulders there :). No seriously, if I had killed that fish while she was gone, I would have died, Alyse is like in love with the thing.
She loves fish like I love chocolate, cats, and sex.
No joke.
Okay maybe that last part was a joke.
(Hope no one is busy being offended.)
Also, today, as I was driving up to my parents house, and back from it, I realized that if I ever leave Utah, the one thing I will miss is the fact that there is ZERO traffic on Sundays. I passed maybe five cars on the whole drive, because everyone else was either at church or asleep still.
Speaking of church.
I think I may have figured out where I stand on religion. Sort of. It's still really vague because I am trying to differentiate between what I know to be right as opposed to all the other stuff I think is total bullshit.
Basically, I'm cool with God, Jesus, all of that. But I don't want church in my life. I almost put 'need' where 'want' is, but then I realized someone might try to start a fight over it, saying that 'Of course I NEED the church in my life, it's the only way to true happiness!!!"
I beg to disagree.
(I love that I got distracted by blogging when I am supposed to be uploading new pictures on to my Facebook. Aren't I awesome? Then again, computers were built to multi-task, yes?)
Life remains the same here on the home front.
I think I'll go buy cookies.
(I got really distracted from explaining my religion theory. Maybe later.)
-Nessa-
I didn't end up going to the Korn concert last night, which in the long run I suppose is good, considering I am dirt poor and would probably gotten killed, because I had no one to go with to keep me safe.
Psh, I can totally survive a rock concert, I swear..
Either how, I have chosen to spend this lovely Sunday catching up on Chuck, which I stopped watching because he and Sarah finally got together, and that made the show lame. Seriously though, tell me that the off/on, stomp on my heartstrings romance between them wasn't like half the show. Now that they are all lovey dovey and holed up in a train compartment on the way to France.. I'm bored. So sue me.
Here's my day so far.
Sleep until nine. Wake up very abruptly for no reason.
Go back to my parents house to let out all the kitties (Parents are on vacation without me in Vegas *CRY*), then walk across the yard to the neighbors to take care of THEIR pets.
(EVERYONE WENT ON VACATION WITHOUT ME)
*suffering from abandonment*
Come back home, take care of all the cats and dogs here (See a pattern yet?)
Get back in bed, finish A Knights Tale. (Heath Ledger, if you haven't seen it, please do, its a pretty worthwhile couple of hours.)
Decided I would do laundry, meanwhile enjoying the fact that everyone in the house is dead asleep and I get to have the whole place to myself.
Turned on Chuck, got bored, annoyed and hungry, brought laundry upstairs, got distracted by my camera and Facebook and really awesome new texting app.
Decided I would blog and tell you all these pointless things.
Alyse is home :). She was supposed to leave for Girl's Camp on Monday morning, but she decided not to go because her mommy has to get her gall bladder removed (can someone tell me what the hell a gall bladder is???) and Alyse, understandably, wants to be home to take care of her mother.
I get to give her the fishy I was watching for her back. Whew, lots of responsibility off my shoulders there :). No seriously, if I had killed that fish while she was gone, I would have died, Alyse is like in love with the thing.
She loves fish like I love chocolate, cats, and sex.
No joke.
Okay maybe that last part was a joke.
(Hope no one is busy being offended.)
Also, today, as I was driving up to my parents house, and back from it, I realized that if I ever leave Utah, the one thing I will miss is the fact that there is ZERO traffic on Sundays. I passed maybe five cars on the whole drive, because everyone else was either at church or asleep still.
Speaking of church.
I think I may have figured out where I stand on religion. Sort of. It's still really vague because I am trying to differentiate between what I know to be right as opposed to all the other stuff I think is total bullshit.
Basically, I'm cool with God, Jesus, all of that. But I don't want church in my life. I almost put 'need' where 'want' is, but then I realized someone might try to start a fight over it, saying that 'Of course I NEED the church in my life, it's the only way to true happiness!!!"
I beg to disagree.
(I love that I got distracted by blogging when I am supposed to be uploading new pictures on to my Facebook. Aren't I awesome? Then again, computers were built to multi-task, yes?)
Life remains the same here on the home front.
I think I'll go buy cookies.
(I got really distracted from explaining my religion theory. Maybe later.)
-Nessa-
Friday, May 28, 2010
Utah has some dirty air going on here..
Angel's mother is leaving to Florida on Monday.. and taking Mirriam with her. The whole big episode is almost over.. but of course the residual pain will stay for a long time. The house has been full of random people, all over to help Ada pack and get ready to go.. she's taken almost everything, including her son's bed and Angel's dresser, plus just about the entire stash of kitchen appliances.
Angel had to come home and steal the family china because Ada refused to give it to her son Garn, who came over and fought with her about it. He even offered her one thousand dollars if she'd please just give it to him. She said she refused to sell it to anyone in the family... so Angel took it.
The woman has pilfered just about everything.. the house echoes now due to lack of furniture and decoration.. it's sad.
Of course I'm tired of living here. I've been the only one her for all the packing and such.. Angel is still with her brother Garn, along with her dad... and Gaelen has been at EFY. Prior to that he spent all his time in the basement ignoring everything..
I'm not happy to have been here for this. All the hate and selfishness is like something sticky that won't wash off my skin; I've tried to be out of the house as much as possible.
Megan offered me her apartment in Provo for only one hundred a month.. and honestly being alone and on my own is starting to sound very appealing these days.. Being at the epicenter of a family tragedy has done nothing good for me, that's for sure.
Zack is leaving to the Navy Seals in two days..
We, consisting of myself, Angel, Megan, Justin and Zack, went to the hot springs Tuesday night. It would be our last chance to hang out with Zack, and while it was an odd group, I had a lot of fun and will cherish the memories. And IHOP will never be the same for me :).
In other news, I got my belly button pierced.. Funnily enough it didn't hurt one bit, I guess I'm just used to having giant needles shoved into me.. what with donating and all.
I know Cori complained that none of us really blog that much anymore. (Cori, when I say complained I don't mean in a bad way.) I don't because, honestly, nothing changes much for me. When I do blog it's just a bunch of indecisiveness, and repeating the same things over and over trying to convince myself into different trains of life.
I don't know what I'm doing about where I'm going to live, I don't know what I'm doing about a job (another one), I don't know what I'm doing about school.. All I really do is lie at home and read all the time because I don't want to focus on my life. It's just too overwhelming and I don't know what to do with myself. (Notice how many times I just said "I don't know"..)
I know Alyse's blog is just satanic and doesn't want to let anyone see when she updates.. at least that's what it does to me, because it hates me. So I have to go directly hunt down her blog.
Sam's leaving in just a month and a half. I'm going to miss him more than I'd ever believe I could, and that's just with me imagining it right now, not having to go through the real thing. I'm also really worried about him..
I love him still, and don't think that's going to change anytime soon.
Tyler said we can't be friends anymore and hasn't spoken to me for a few days now. I keep having to resist going to his house and beating down his door because he makes me so angry... but as long as he's unhappy with his decision then I can cope with not beating him up, because he's already doing my job for me.
Alyse is on vacation to Texas starting today for the next two weeks, and then a week of Girl's Camp after that, so we won't be seeing much of each other for the first month of summer. I'm taking care of her fishy J.C. (John Casey for you Chuckers out there).
Angel should be coming home soon. I don't see her more than a few times a week, but she came home this morning once she got off work and I realized just how much I enjoyed having the room to myself.. I didn't get woken up at seven in the morning after having gone to bed only a few hours prior.
Megan is still at Jerr's, and with all the ups and downs of that situation I'd like to think that, on the whole, she's happy. Her parents finally know she's living with him. Her dad hardly took it well, but it seems like Megan's mom is doing alright with it, despite the fact that it's against everything she's ever taught Megan. I guess she values her relationship with her daughter enough not to further destroy things.
I'm going back to my parents house in a week or so to house-sit while they are gone on vacation. I wish I were going with them (Vegas, St. George, then camping for a few days), but I don't have the money or the time. I've stopped donating due to an odd lethargy that has gripped me, so I'm a little strapped for cash at the moment, but once I move that'll change, the donation center is right down the road.
Miss everyone very much, and thanks for remembering the ice cubes Cameron, that really is one of my favorite memories, even if it's insignificant and random. To me it just embodies..well, you. Your odd personality. Which I miss.
I always feed your fishies.
See you guys later.
-Nessa-
Angel had to come home and steal the family china because Ada refused to give it to her son Garn, who came over and fought with her about it. He even offered her one thousand dollars if she'd please just give it to him. She said she refused to sell it to anyone in the family... so Angel took it.
The woman has pilfered just about everything.. the house echoes now due to lack of furniture and decoration.. it's sad.
Of course I'm tired of living here. I've been the only one her for all the packing and such.. Angel is still with her brother Garn, along with her dad... and Gaelen has been at EFY. Prior to that he spent all his time in the basement ignoring everything..
I'm not happy to have been here for this. All the hate and selfishness is like something sticky that won't wash off my skin; I've tried to be out of the house as much as possible.
Megan offered me her apartment in Provo for only one hundred a month.. and honestly being alone and on my own is starting to sound very appealing these days.. Being at the epicenter of a family tragedy has done nothing good for me, that's for sure.
Zack is leaving to the Navy Seals in two days..
We, consisting of myself, Angel, Megan, Justin and Zack, went to the hot springs Tuesday night. It would be our last chance to hang out with Zack, and while it was an odd group, I had a lot of fun and will cherish the memories. And IHOP will never be the same for me :).
In other news, I got my belly button pierced.. Funnily enough it didn't hurt one bit, I guess I'm just used to having giant needles shoved into me.. what with donating and all.
I know Cori complained that none of us really blog that much anymore. (Cori, when I say complained I don't mean in a bad way.) I don't because, honestly, nothing changes much for me. When I do blog it's just a bunch of indecisiveness, and repeating the same things over and over trying to convince myself into different trains of life.
I don't know what I'm doing about where I'm going to live, I don't know what I'm doing about a job (another one), I don't know what I'm doing about school.. All I really do is lie at home and read all the time because I don't want to focus on my life. It's just too overwhelming and I don't know what to do with myself. (Notice how many times I just said "I don't know"..)
I know Alyse's blog is just satanic and doesn't want to let anyone see when she updates.. at least that's what it does to me, because it hates me. So I have to go directly hunt down her blog.
Sam's leaving in just a month and a half. I'm going to miss him more than I'd ever believe I could, and that's just with me imagining it right now, not having to go through the real thing. I'm also really worried about him..
I love him still, and don't think that's going to change anytime soon.
Tyler said we can't be friends anymore and hasn't spoken to me for a few days now. I keep having to resist going to his house and beating down his door because he makes me so angry... but as long as he's unhappy with his decision then I can cope with not beating him up, because he's already doing my job for me.
Alyse is on vacation to Texas starting today for the next two weeks, and then a week of Girl's Camp after that, so we won't be seeing much of each other for the first month of summer. I'm taking care of her fishy J.C. (John Casey for you Chuckers out there).
Angel should be coming home soon. I don't see her more than a few times a week, but she came home this morning once she got off work and I realized just how much I enjoyed having the room to myself.. I didn't get woken up at seven in the morning after having gone to bed only a few hours prior.
Megan is still at Jerr's, and with all the ups and downs of that situation I'd like to think that, on the whole, she's happy. Her parents finally know she's living with him. Her dad hardly took it well, but it seems like Megan's mom is doing alright with it, despite the fact that it's against everything she's ever taught Megan. I guess she values her relationship with her daughter enough not to further destroy things.
I'm going back to my parents house in a week or so to house-sit while they are gone on vacation. I wish I were going with them (Vegas, St. George, then camping for a few days), but I don't have the money or the time. I've stopped donating due to an odd lethargy that has gripped me, so I'm a little strapped for cash at the moment, but once I move that'll change, the donation center is right down the road.
Miss everyone very much, and thanks for remembering the ice cubes Cameron, that really is one of my favorite memories, even if it's insignificant and random. To me it just embodies..well, you. Your odd personality. Which I miss.
I always feed your fishies.
See you guys later.
-Nessa-
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
May Eleventh
For all of you who do not know, Sam and I are no longer dating. I'm not entirely sure if I should put a 'technically' between 'are' and 'no'. We decided that being in a relationship was destroying our relationship, so now we don't have commitment and all that other stuff to worry about and can just love each other like we know we do.
I won't lie, I'm not totally overjoyed about the whole thing, but I will take it over the alternative of not having Sam in my life at all. I hope this is really what's best for us.. because I care about him a lot more than I realized. The night we (more like I) decided to initiate an actual break up made me see that.
Yeah. That was bad.
I'm stuck between three life decisions.
1. Summer school (College, whatever, to keep myself occupied rather than becoming a total introvert due to all things relationship related).
2. Moving out to an actual apartment (Start as just a summer thing and then maybe transition into the more expensive school year living?)
3. The never ending job hunt. (I decided to look up all the local and not so local dog grooming shops, kennels, pounds, etc. I want to find a job of the animal care-taking variety, a job I know I'll actually like.)
The stuck part is just doing all of it. I know the basic order in which to do them.. I just really suck at getting the ball rolling. I've been so wrapped up in relationship drama that I'm not sure I can pull myself away from worrying long enough to focus on the things I actually need to do.
Sad that I think it will be easier for me once Sam has left for boot camp.. Then the miss/worry/miss sensation will be standard, not fluctuating, and for only one set of reasons, not six thousand and one.
I'm getting tired of living at Angel's house, mostly because nothing is my own. We'll see what happens once Ada and Mirriam leave for Florida, maybe I can get my own room and finally start feeling like I'm not just a mooching bystander.
I do pay rent, but I share Angel's room (not like she's ever here anymore). I don't know. Whatever works.
Tyler..refuses to speak to me anymore. He and I got along really well.. and I sort of miss his friendship. Although, I know exactly why he won't. He wanted me for a girlfriend, and even though I'm 'single' now or whatever, no guy wants a girl who's committed-to and in love with another man.
He is, frustratingly enough, the root of my problems. Not saying I didn't cause almost all of them by myself, and I am most definitely not pushing blame onto him. He is just involved with everything in my life that I spend the majority of my time angsting over.
After hanging out with him so much, I started to question all my life decisions, the relationship I was in, some friendships, and my relationship with God. I had a sudden urge to just.. come clean and turn myself around, and it scared me. I'm never like that. I have always been content with who I am, with just the little insecure blips in between. I have NEVER considered a total make over of who I have become, all in the interest of some spiritual relief.
It was odd, let me tell you.
That spiritual and inner insecurity, combined with the fact that Sam is leaving in two months and I didn't know if I could handle it, well, it made me panic. I made a rash decision, and in doing so have messed a lot of things up, even though the outer picture still remains the same.
I lost Tyler as a friend, but I won't take all the credit on that, he walked right into the middle of my relationship and hoped to sweep me off my feet after almost two years and more trials than I care to remember with another guy. As hard as that was, I got attached to Sam, and there was no way Tyler was going to make that dedication to Sam go away.
I lost Sam as a boyfriend. Now I get to freak out every night I'm not with him, and console myself with a weak repetition of 'But he loves you, he loves you, shut up and calm down, he loves you.' It's hard. I may sound totally insane, but it's very, very hard knowing he's not mine anymore.
I lost confidence in myself. I saw what happened when I questioned my belief system, and when I took Sam out of my life. I realized how destabilized I really am, and how much I rely on Sam, or just love in general, to keep me going. I'm not okay with just being me, on my own, alone. I need things and people I wish I didn't.
Sam's birthday is today. He's up in Midvale or whatever, hanging out with friends from college. I miss him. I feel terribly lonely.
Growing up is hard. Being in love is hard. Succeeding is hard. Taking care of yourself is hard. I knew all of this all my life.. but now I am just coming to understand it.
Happy birthday, Sam. I love you.
I won't lie, I'm not totally overjoyed about the whole thing, but I will take it over the alternative of not having Sam in my life at all. I hope this is really what's best for us.. because I care about him a lot more than I realized. The night we (more like I) decided to initiate an actual break up made me see that.
Yeah. That was bad.
I'm stuck between three life decisions.
1. Summer school (College, whatever, to keep myself occupied rather than becoming a total introvert due to all things relationship related).
2. Moving out to an actual apartment (Start as just a summer thing and then maybe transition into the more expensive school year living?)
3. The never ending job hunt. (I decided to look up all the local and not so local dog grooming shops, kennels, pounds, etc. I want to find a job of the animal care-taking variety, a job I know I'll actually like.)
The stuck part is just doing all of it. I know the basic order in which to do them.. I just really suck at getting the ball rolling. I've been so wrapped up in relationship drama that I'm not sure I can pull myself away from worrying long enough to focus on the things I actually need to do.
Sad that I think it will be easier for me once Sam has left for boot camp.. Then the miss/worry/miss sensation will be standard, not fluctuating, and for only one set of reasons, not six thousand and one.
I'm getting tired of living at Angel's house, mostly because nothing is my own. We'll see what happens once Ada and Mirriam leave for Florida, maybe I can get my own room and finally start feeling like I'm not just a mooching bystander.
I do pay rent, but I share Angel's room (not like she's ever here anymore). I don't know. Whatever works.
Tyler..refuses to speak to me anymore. He and I got along really well.. and I sort of miss his friendship. Although, I know exactly why he won't. He wanted me for a girlfriend, and even though I'm 'single' now or whatever, no guy wants a girl who's committed-to and in love with another man.
He is, frustratingly enough, the root of my problems. Not saying I didn't cause almost all of them by myself, and I am most definitely not pushing blame onto him. He is just involved with everything in my life that I spend the majority of my time angsting over.
After hanging out with him so much, I started to question all my life decisions, the relationship I was in, some friendships, and my relationship with God. I had a sudden urge to just.. come clean and turn myself around, and it scared me. I'm never like that. I have always been content with who I am, with just the little insecure blips in between. I have NEVER considered a total make over of who I have become, all in the interest of some spiritual relief.
It was odd, let me tell you.
That spiritual and inner insecurity, combined with the fact that Sam is leaving in two months and I didn't know if I could handle it, well, it made me panic. I made a rash decision, and in doing so have messed a lot of things up, even though the outer picture still remains the same.
I lost Tyler as a friend, but I won't take all the credit on that, he walked right into the middle of my relationship and hoped to sweep me off my feet after almost two years and more trials than I care to remember with another guy. As hard as that was, I got attached to Sam, and there was no way Tyler was going to make that dedication to Sam go away.
I lost Sam as a boyfriend. Now I get to freak out every night I'm not with him, and console myself with a weak repetition of 'But he loves you, he loves you, shut up and calm down, he loves you.' It's hard. I may sound totally insane, but it's very, very hard knowing he's not mine anymore.
I lost confidence in myself. I saw what happened when I questioned my belief system, and when I took Sam out of my life. I realized how destabilized I really am, and how much I rely on Sam, or just love in general, to keep me going. I'm not okay with just being me, on my own, alone. I need things and people I wish I didn't.
Sam's birthday is today. He's up in Midvale or whatever, hanging out with friends from college. I miss him. I feel terribly lonely.
Growing up is hard. Being in love is hard. Succeeding is hard. Taking care of yourself is hard. I knew all of this all my life.. but now I am just coming to understand it.
Happy birthday, Sam. I love you.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Blogger-esque
Sometimes you realize you aren't who you were meant to be. Who you were raised to be. Who you were 'supposed' to be.
I was okay with that, until about a week ago. Now stuff is a little bit different. I'm questioning everything I know, and I hate it.
My Sam is leaving in two and a half months... and honestly, I'm scared. He's probably worse off than I am, but that doesn't change the fact that I am terrified.
I never wanted this..him to leave, but I obviously could never change his mind from the start about anything.
I'm going to try and stay with him. I really will try.
I hate not knowing who I am anymore.
I was okay with that, until about a week ago. Now stuff is a little bit different. I'm questioning everything I know, and I hate it.
My Sam is leaving in two and a half months... and honestly, I'm scared. He's probably worse off than I am, but that doesn't change the fact that I am terrified.
I never wanted this..him to leave, but I obviously could never change his mind from the start about anything.
I'm going to try and stay with him. I really will try.
I hate not knowing who I am anymore.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Quite frankly, I don't know.
I just figured that I would write some stuff down considering that I'm sitting at work and my hands seem to be idle. Yes, I should probably be cleaning or something, but this seemed like a fairly good idea either way.
Okay, so I have been sitting at work covering for Megan this Saturday, and this Jamaican kid came in. He has sat here for the past two hours, mumbling on about stuff that I seriously can't hear him say ( I have the most horrible hearing), and honestly.. I want him to go away. He's funny, he's got an interesting life to talk about, that's for sure, but... I really don't trust him that much. I am the only one here most of the time because Alex is so in and out with his deliveries, and Angel had to leave early to go to her brother Shawn's college graduation.
I gave him pizza after the first hour, and right when he said he was leaving he asked if I had anything to drink, so I let him take a Sprite. Then, as he was getting up, he asked to use my phone.
After harboring a distinct distrust for him, I lied and said I was almost out of minutes, even though it's Saturday and I have unlimited, because, quite frankly, I don't want to lose my phone.
I know it all sounds racist and evil, but I promise it's not. I'm not like that. I'm just really paranoid.. and I worry a lot.
He asked to use Alex's phone and he let him, but.. ugh.
Finally. Gone.
Okay, I feel like I can breathe again.
I felt bad for him though, when he came in he had this HUGE gash on his arm from long boarding.. Angel got a napkin and put hand sanitizer all over and and just stuck it on his arm before getting band aids on it.. Oh it was so funny, you could tell it hurt him but he was trying so hard to be macho and strong about it.
Okay, enough about Jamaican Kid.
I applied for a job up at Micron, it pays fifteen bucks an hour and it's three to four days of work a week, off and on.
Like: Sun., Mon., Tues., Wed.
Then: Sun., Mon., Tues.
The Wednesdays are the swing shifts.
It's where my mom works, but despite the fact that I may be risking being stuck in a clean room twelve hours a day ( long shifts right??), I really want the job. I would make enough to be able to take care of myself, and start being able to do the stuff that I want to do.
My mom is like one of the few reasons I even have a chance thought. She knows the guy in charge of hiring, and her supervisor really, really likes her, thusly, he may be more willing to give me a chance in hopes that I'm not an epic fail and actually follow in my mother's footsteps.
I don't know.
I have a phone interview on Monday morning, and I'm really nervous. I am banking on getting this job more than I'm willing to admit, because seriously, I am at the end of my rope.
Sam is leaving in July, I am still working at the same dead end job that I have been for two years, I struggle to pay Angel's parents rent each month, and my car is slowly breathing it's last breath.
I need to get my life out of the gutter and up to where it should be; moving.
I really hope God cuts me some slack on this one.
I never actually got a pet, Angel's dad said no, and their family is going through some really hard stuff right now, so it's better that I do all I can not to put any more unnecessary pressure on them right now. I'm enough of a strain already.
Sam and I are still making it work (God only knows how), but I'm happy. We decided to stay together even though he's leaving for the Air Force.. and despite everything, I want to be able to be with him, even with the military keeping him away all the time.
I guess if it's not meant to be, it won't work, and if it is, it will.
I love him a lot... so you can be on what I'm hoping for.
Angel is running herself into the ground with two jobs and school, Alyse is happily away from Mike and up in the arms of Gaelen, it's Megan's birthday, and when she's not content with Jerremy she's as unhappy and angry as I've ever seen her. I miss Travis a lot because we don't talk anymore, and Alex is leaving on his mission in late July. Alaine is getting married in June and I don't think she'll invite me, though it breaks my heart. Brantley and Hayleigh are still together, even though it's obviously a bad relationship (Hayleigh's mom has been emailing me). Jorden is still with Alexis and is working at Paradise Bakery (happily I hope). I see Landon every once in a while when he comes into 5 Buck
Tyler has a crush on me, but he's awfully religious (NOT MY TYPE AT ALL) and it's starting to seem like he's pushing me for something. I don't like it.
Cameron is off in college and I only ever hear from him via The Blog Circle. Coriann texts me from time to time, which I appreciate, I do miss her terribly. I don't have a clue what Deena is even doing with her life at all anymore.. All I know is that she and Brandon are together. Rob is in jail and Amber is trying to make it as a single mom while she waits for him to be able to come home.
Everyone else is in college or going on a mission or getting married..
Oh, and I did my hair again. Back to the orange streaks. Huzzah!!
And salon hair products are God's gift to women.
I really want a puppy. Or a kitten. I don't really care which.
Dubstep is amazing.
Night all.
-Nessa-
Okay, so I have been sitting at work covering for Megan this Saturday, and this Jamaican kid came in. He has sat here for the past two hours, mumbling on about stuff that I seriously can't hear him say ( I have the most horrible hearing), and honestly.. I want him to go away. He's funny, he's got an interesting life to talk about, that's for sure, but... I really don't trust him that much. I am the only one here most of the time because Alex is so in and out with his deliveries, and Angel had to leave early to go to her brother Shawn's college graduation.
I gave him pizza after the first hour, and right when he said he was leaving he asked if I had anything to drink, so I let him take a Sprite. Then, as he was getting up, he asked to use my phone.
After harboring a distinct distrust for him, I lied and said I was almost out of minutes, even though it's Saturday and I have unlimited, because, quite frankly, I don't want to lose my phone.
I know it all sounds racist and evil, but I promise it's not. I'm not like that. I'm just really paranoid.. and I worry a lot.
He asked to use Alex's phone and he let him, but.. ugh.
Finally. Gone.
Okay, I feel like I can breathe again.
I felt bad for him though, when he came in he had this HUGE gash on his arm from long boarding.. Angel got a napkin and put hand sanitizer all over and and just stuck it on his arm before getting band aids on it.. Oh it was so funny, you could tell it hurt him but he was trying so hard to be macho and strong about it.
Okay, enough about Jamaican Kid.
I applied for a job up at Micron, it pays fifteen bucks an hour and it's three to four days of work a week, off and on.
Like: Sun., Mon., Tues., Wed.
Then: Sun., Mon., Tues.
The Wednesdays are the swing shifts.
It's where my mom works, but despite the fact that I may be risking being stuck in a clean room twelve hours a day ( long shifts right??), I really want the job. I would make enough to be able to take care of myself, and start being able to do the stuff that I want to do.
My mom is like one of the few reasons I even have a chance thought. She knows the guy in charge of hiring, and her supervisor really, really likes her, thusly, he may be more willing to give me a chance in hopes that I'm not an epic fail and actually follow in my mother's footsteps.
I don't know.
I have a phone interview on Monday morning, and I'm really nervous. I am banking on getting this job more than I'm willing to admit, because seriously, I am at the end of my rope.
Sam is leaving in July, I am still working at the same dead end job that I have been for two years, I struggle to pay Angel's parents rent each month, and my car is slowly breathing it's last breath.
I need to get my life out of the gutter and up to where it should be; moving.
I really hope God cuts me some slack on this one.
I never actually got a pet, Angel's dad said no, and their family is going through some really hard stuff right now, so it's better that I do all I can not to put any more unnecessary pressure on them right now. I'm enough of a strain already.
Sam and I are still making it work (God only knows how), but I'm happy. We decided to stay together even though he's leaving for the Air Force.. and despite everything, I want to be able to be with him, even with the military keeping him away all the time.
I guess if it's not meant to be, it won't work, and if it is, it will.
I love him a lot... so you can be on what I'm hoping for.
Angel is running herself into the ground with two jobs and school, Alyse is happily away from Mike and up in the arms of Gaelen, it's Megan's birthday, and when she's not content with Jerremy she's as unhappy and angry as I've ever seen her. I miss Travis a lot because we don't talk anymore, and Alex is leaving on his mission in late July. Alaine is getting married in June and I don't think she'll invite me, though it breaks my heart. Brantley and Hayleigh are still together, even though it's obviously a bad relationship (Hayleigh's mom has been emailing me). Jorden is still with Alexis and is working at Paradise Bakery (happily I hope). I see Landon every once in a while when he comes into 5 Buck
Tyler has a crush on me, but he's awfully religious (NOT MY TYPE AT ALL) and it's starting to seem like he's pushing me for something. I don't like it.
Cameron is off in college and I only ever hear from him via The Blog Circle. Coriann texts me from time to time, which I appreciate, I do miss her terribly. I don't have a clue what Deena is even doing with her life at all anymore.. All I know is that she and Brandon are together. Rob is in jail and Amber is trying to make it as a single mom while she waits for him to be able to come home.
Everyone else is in college or going on a mission or getting married..
Oh, and I did my hair again. Back to the orange streaks. Huzzah!!
And salon hair products are God's gift to women.
I really want a puppy. Or a kitten. I don't really care which.
Dubstep is amazing.
Night all.
-Nessa-
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Hot Springs Visit #1
Well last night was the beginning of the season for hot spring visits.
Myself, Angelique, Tyler and Zack were the only ones going this time. Megan was supposed to come, but she decided to be courteous to Shauna and not come home uuber psycho late. (Which we did, I checked my phone before I went to bed and it said 4:37, so I'm pretty sure that we got home around four. I had to shower and all that of course.. the sulphuric stench is sort of overpowering, as you all know..)
Anywho. It was tons of fun, Zack and Tyler had never been. Zack decided to be a putz and freak me out by walking along the wrong side of the path, narrowly dodging holes and sudden drop-aways in the path.
I was all worried Tyler was going to fall off the path. I think I just worry too much. Being scared of heights is horrible.
When we got there it was pretty late, so everyone was either leaving or getting ready to leave. The four of us crawled over to the hot pot we discovered last time, and proceeded to spend the next two or three hours talking and playing the stupidest games. And bothering Zack. For example.
"Hey, Jenessa, do you wanna go to the moon?"
"Yeah sure Tyler, I'll bring jam for sandwiches. What are you bringing?"
"A tractor! Angel, what are you bringing?"
"Apple juice. Zack, what are you bringing?"
"A rock."
"You can't bring a rock."
"What, why can't I bring a rock?"
*another few rounds of questions, during which Zack becomes more and more frustrated*
"Zack, what are you bringing?"
"A BIKE!"
"You can't bring a bike!"
"I HATE THIS GAME, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE!!"
*another few rounds*
"Zack, what are you bringing to the moon?"
"I don't know, I'm not playing, this is stupid."
"Really, you haven't caught on yet?"
"....*pouts* There's nothing cool that starts with a 'z'."
Also, none of them know the English language. We started playing twenty questions and they all got stuck on the exact definition of 'inanimate', a word that I decided to throw out.
"Is it a spaceship?"
"No, Zack."
"A robot?"
"No, Zack."
"Mars?"
"ZACK! QUIT WASTING QUESTIONS!!"
"A dead giraffe??"
"ZACK!!!!"
"*sigh* Okay, any relevant questions?"
"A VIBRATING DILDO!!"
"Holy shit, okay, Zack, you can't play anymore."
"A BIG PINK ONE!"
"Fail."
(I'm not joking, he said ALL of that. And they were his fall back answers when he started getting frustrated. I think he has a hidden fascination with the sci-fi world.)
Tyler was such a good sport, I'm always afraid I'm going to end up offending him with some joke, or one of us will go overboard on swearing, or just.. something. But he really seems to be okay. Matter of fact, he's basically a total pervert, right along with Zack.
"You guys can make out anytime now." (That's Zack as Angel is crawling all over me.)
"Shove it Zack, Angel, get OFF!"
Before we left:
Tyler: "You two share a room?"
Me and Angel: "Yeah."
T: "You sleep in the same bed?"
M: "Every night. We even cuddle."
A: "We have a ferret in here sometimes too. Or the cat. Or all the dogs. It gets pretty kinky."
T: *evil smile* "Can I watch?"
M: "YOUR DISGUSTING, GET OUT!!"
The walk back down the mountain was horrible, Tyler's huge flashlight died, and the only light we had was from my phone. Plus, it was cold enough to see our breath. I felt really bad for Zack though, he was the only one not smart enough to bring his pants up with us, so he had to walk back down in his swim trunks. I've got to hand it to him, honestly. I never would have made it, it was SO freaking cold.
We also discovered that Zack can do an amazing impression of Mickey Mouse. As a big group was leaving, he quite suddenly yells:
"OH BOY!!"
Just like Mickey Mouse. Like, perfectly. He also decided to yell at some girl:
"HEY, ARE YOU FAT OR ARE YOU PREGNANT?!"
As you can see he is very respectful and was bestowed with uncommonly good manners.
Not.
I don't know. I had TONS of fun, despite the cold, and Angel almost running us off the road because she felt like letting the car cruise at 45 down a steep winding road. Thank God for seat belts, eh?
Angel and I have decided to have an epic summer with these guys, doing a whole bunch of random stuff. I just hope Zack doesn't get his ship date. That would sort of ruin our evil plans.
Yep. Love my life right now.
Oh, and I slept in until twelve. Best night's sleep I've had in a long time.
Myself, Angelique, Tyler and Zack were the only ones going this time. Megan was supposed to come, but she decided to be courteous to Shauna and not come home uuber psycho late. (Which we did, I checked my phone before I went to bed and it said 4:37, so I'm pretty sure that we got home around four. I had to shower and all that of course.. the sulphuric stench is sort of overpowering, as you all know..)
Anywho. It was tons of fun, Zack and Tyler had never been. Zack decided to be a putz and freak me out by walking along the wrong side of the path, narrowly dodging holes and sudden drop-aways in the path.
I was all worried Tyler was going to fall off the path. I think I just worry too much. Being scared of heights is horrible.
When we got there it was pretty late, so everyone was either leaving or getting ready to leave. The four of us crawled over to the hot pot we discovered last time, and proceeded to spend the next two or three hours talking and playing the stupidest games. And bothering Zack. For example.
"Hey, Jenessa, do you wanna go to the moon?"
"Yeah sure Tyler, I'll bring jam for sandwiches. What are you bringing?"
"A tractor! Angel, what are you bringing?"
"Apple juice. Zack, what are you bringing?"
"A rock."
"You can't bring a rock."
"What, why can't I bring a rock?"
*another few rounds of questions, during which Zack becomes more and more frustrated*
"Zack, what are you bringing?"
"A BIKE!"
"You can't bring a bike!"
"I HATE THIS GAME, I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE!!"
*another few rounds*
"Zack, what are you bringing to the moon?"
"I don't know, I'm not playing, this is stupid."
"Really, you haven't caught on yet?"
"....*pouts* There's nothing cool that starts with a 'z'."
Also, none of them know the English language. We started playing twenty questions and they all got stuck on the exact definition of 'inanimate', a word that I decided to throw out.
"Is it a spaceship?"
"No, Zack."
"A robot?"
"No, Zack."
"Mars?"
"ZACK! QUIT WASTING QUESTIONS!!"
"A dead giraffe??"
"ZACK!!!!"
"*sigh* Okay, any relevant questions?"
"A VIBRATING DILDO!!"
"Holy shit, okay, Zack, you can't play anymore."
"A BIG PINK ONE!"
"Fail."
(I'm not joking, he said ALL of that. And they were his fall back answers when he started getting frustrated. I think he has a hidden fascination with the sci-fi world.)
Tyler was such a good sport, I'm always afraid I'm going to end up offending him with some joke, or one of us will go overboard on swearing, or just.. something. But he really seems to be okay. Matter of fact, he's basically a total pervert, right along with Zack.
"You guys can make out anytime now." (That's Zack as Angel is crawling all over me.)
"Shove it Zack, Angel, get OFF!"
Before we left:
Tyler: "You two share a room?"
Me and Angel: "Yeah."
T: "You sleep in the same bed?"
M: "Every night. We even cuddle."
A: "We have a ferret in here sometimes too. Or the cat. Or all the dogs. It gets pretty kinky."
T: *evil smile* "Can I watch?"
M: "YOUR DISGUSTING, GET OUT!!"
The walk back down the mountain was horrible, Tyler's huge flashlight died, and the only light we had was from my phone. Plus, it was cold enough to see our breath. I felt really bad for Zack though, he was the only one not smart enough to bring his pants up with us, so he had to walk back down in his swim trunks. I've got to hand it to him, honestly. I never would have made it, it was SO freaking cold.
We also discovered that Zack can do an amazing impression of Mickey Mouse. As a big group was leaving, he quite suddenly yells:
"OH BOY!!"
Just like Mickey Mouse. Like, perfectly. He also decided to yell at some girl:
"HEY, ARE YOU FAT OR ARE YOU PREGNANT?!"
As you can see he is very respectful and was bestowed with uncommonly good manners.
Not.
I don't know. I had TONS of fun, despite the cold, and Angel almost running us off the road because she felt like letting the car cruise at 45 down a steep winding road. Thank God for seat belts, eh?
Angel and I have decided to have an epic summer with these guys, doing a whole bunch of random stuff. I just hope Zack doesn't get his ship date. That would sort of ruin our evil plans.
Yep. Love my life right now.
Oh, and I slept in until twelve. Best night's sleep I've had in a long time.
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