That rising rate

I guess its' been a long month for me. A lot of things are different; I moved really far away from everything I've known, which is the biggest part. I've had a really hard time letting go, I will freely admit that, but the more I come home and stay away from my husband.. the more I realize that the only place I really belong with anymore is with him.
My family is my family.. but they are having problems. Maybe this isn't something you post on your blog, your thoughts for other people to see that are true, close, and very personal to your heart, but I guess I need to throw some stuff out to impartial crowds and see if they respond.
My parents.. just don't love each other anymore. I don't know how else to put it. I love each of them very much, each in my own ways, but they have grown apart so much as a couple that I can hardly count on one hand the amount of times I've seen them in the same room together lately.
I know divorce is frowned upon. You shouldn't give up on years of commitment, the longer you stay together it seems like that's the commitment.. stay together, make it work, keep the love alive.
Here at my parents all I can see is borderline complacency. It's like they are two totally unrelated people that just live in the same home, eat the same food, and otherwise ignore one another existance.

This actually bothers me a lot. It's been on my mind for a few years. The odd distancing of my parents really went over my head as a child, I was much more focused on myself and my teenage issues and love life than really seeing what was going on. I know it's only gotten worse in the past little while, especially as I grew up and moved out of the house.
I always tried to keep the peace with my parents, I really did. I almost felt like a therapist sometimes, giving advice to each of them, (mostly my mom) on how to handle one another better.
Once I left.. I guess the tiny little communication bridge I was trying to build just got washed away and they sank further away from each other. My dad went back to school and all his time and effort sank into that; my mom made new friends at work, and it seems like she's getting closer to them than she should be.

I don't know what to think anymore. I have talked to my mom about it a few times, I've tried not to be invasive, but what am I supposed to do? I'm their daughter, I've known and loved them all their lives, they adopted me, raised me, taught me everything I know, then sent me out into the world to see how I would do. Of course I'm worried for them. I'm frightened.
I really am. I'm scared to watch my family fall apart like a fraying blanket. I've watched it happen firsthand to another family, I stood on the front lines and watched as a husband and wife pushed and shoved their way through a divorce, one wanting separation, another desperate to do anything, ANYTHING, to save their marriage.
My parents haven't joined the statistic just yet. They haven't added another notch to the divorce rate.
But they are both being so strange and distant I wonder if it's not just a matter of time.

I don't know what affect it would have. I think my brother would shrug his shoulders, and it may get under his skin.. but since he's in the military, he's watched relationship after relationship fall apart as husbands and wives are sent overseas and their spouses at home stray and forget the love they had.
I don't know what it would do to me. I'd probably try and ignore it.
It would break my dad. He's already a little strange, a little off, just a little... abnormal.
Is it sad that I think my mom would just move on? I think she would push it off her shoulders and say that it was what she saw coming, that she loved my father but that it just wasn't going to work out anymore.

Well, got that off my chest. Thanks for reading. I know all you guys have new lives and probably rarely sign in anymore, Alyse was the last of the apartment bunch to post. Guess we've all moved on a little more than we all realized.
Still. Love you.
-Nessa-

Le Wifey Poo

So marriage is exactly like being in a relationship.. just minus all the completely retarded bullshit of 'omfg is he gonna leave me just cuz that girl can swing her ass'.

Alright, so even real relationships aren't that stupid.. mostly.
But now I'm in Roosevelt, living with Rob's family until he is able to save enough money from working in the oil fields so we can get a place of our own. I'm content here, his parents are wonderful people who I get along with very well.
They also have two small chugs, one named Dexter who's a cynical, moody little bastard, but I'm slowly winning him over.
Chug number two is named Daisy. She's a new addition to the family, a girlfriend for Dexter, but already she's outgrown him, and annoys him constantly, as would a toddler a tween.
There is a kitty as well, her name is Kailey. I kinda love her, she's the super snuggly type, and will gladly let you love on her for an age and a half.

There aren't many mountains here, it's just hills. Roosevelt is the type of city you drive past before you even realize that you drove into, or through it. Sorta a hick city, everyone here works out in the oil fields, and shit, is that ever good money..

Being a wife is.. weird. Hearing the word is weird. It's all just so... eh. There isn't really a way to describe it. I do love having someone to wrap my arms around every night before I go to sleep, and having a handsome man in my bed every morning.

And here's something I've come to enjoy; because Rob and I didn't know one another as long as most couples, it's still an adventure getting to know him. That's another blessing about being with his parents, I can see how he reflects them as a person, and they also help me out when I'm not quite sure what to do. Never interfering.. but occasionally a funny story, or another time Robert lost his mind for no good reason ;).

I love doting on my hubby, its practically my favorite thing, if I'm being honest.

Either how.. News.. news.. no news.
Couple of my friends hate me for getting married.
The rest of them are just rolling their eyes at me for making such an uninformed decision.

Ah, news. The date of my reception is looking (tentatively) to be Saturday, September 17th. Guess we will see who ends up coming, eh?

Gotta say this real quick...
JORDEN AND ALEXIS I'M SO FETCHING SORRY I MISSED YOUR RECEPTION, I GOT STREP AND WAS IN THE ER A COUPLE DAYS AGO!!!!!! I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!!!!!

Love you all mucho much.
-Nessa-

How I Got Married

I drove to North Carolina.
I met Robert Simons.
We kissed.
We dated.
We fell in love.
We got engaged on the tenth.
We got married on the eleventh.
I am now Mrs Jenessa Anne Simons.

Fast? Yes.
Stupid? Quite possibly.
Do I regret it? Not in a million years.

Am I happy?...........



I'm thinkin' yes.
Love you all
-Nessa-

P.S. Reception is in September. More info later lol

It's been.. a really long week.

Original post date 6/5/11

Reference the title.
So, you all know that I came home from North Carolina. I also came home with a new boyfriend.
This.. will be mostly about him, or things related to him, because I haven't left his side since Wednesday afternoon.
So, I came home the middle of May, on the seventeenth. Drove for four days, froze my ass off all over again in Wyoming, shoved under the steering wheel of my worthlessly small car. I had been sleeping in Jerr's car but he went to bed with the doors locked and by the time I got off the phone... Suffice it to say, I nearly lost my toes.
I've utterly wasted my time back home, jobless and quickly running out of money, you think I'd be more proactive with my life but apparently having a boyfriend so far away automatically negates any proactive thought.
And time is passing...
...
...
...
Still passing..
...
...
...

. So Rob offers to buy me a plane ticket back out to NC the weekend after I got home to see him, because, of course, we missed each other (cue: AWWWWWWWW *vomit*)
Bought the ticket..

Rob's car blows up the day before I'm scheduled to fly out. The way our job works, you can't do your work if you don't have a car, and at this point someone else had been fired, and the entire Vivint group is working an hour and a half away from the hotel, making almost no money because most of it is going to gas either way.
It was Friday night that his car finally gave up the ghost, even though it was a relatively new vehicle, and not due to expire for some time.
Rob called me Saturday morning and let me know that it would be best for me not to bother coming out, seeing as that would put us both in a bad position; Rob didn't hardly have the means to get home again, and my coming out would just compound the problem.
So after purchasing a non-refundable, non-transferable ticket, and wasting Rob's money, I stayed home. I think ultra-bummed might begin to cover how I was feeling at that point.

Now, because Rob no longer had a car, he decided that he missed being home, was sick of Vivint, and wanted to just be done, and find real work in Utah.
I won't lie, it sucks that his car went boom, but I was plenty happy about getting him back so much sooner than I had originally thought.
(I was going to have to wait the whole summer. Show of hands for those of you who think I could have done that.... Yeah, didn't think there would be anybody ;).)

Fast forward through a few more days of waiting, to Wednesday at two in the afternoon. I picked Rob up from the airport and, as I said earlier, I haven't left his side since, with the exception of the long nap he let me take undisturbed.

I stayed the night at his brother's house in West Valley for two days, during which time I recieved an invitation to go camping with Rob and his family up at Flaming Gorge.
His family is superb, by the way. I get a lot of shit for being Mormon, since they are all Jehovas Witness, but I guess I don't mind, considering I understand the stigma on Mormons is widespread and.. excessive.
We went fishing, spent late nights around the campfire ( I was twenty one for a couple hours so I got to drink :P) lots of fun stuff. They are truly a great bunch of people, and I still have four other siblings yet to meet.

We finally came home today (not that I wasn't having fun, I just really like my showers)and I really have had a blast this entire week. I could have done nothing and had just as much fun ;)

But anyway, that was probably the lamest sum up of a week any of you have ever heard, so someone post a damn interesting blog to make up for my failing writing talent. (This is us assuming that I ever had any talent in writing at all.)
I'm going to go snuggle and watch Family Guy.
Love you guys, hope you are all doing well :)

-Nessa-

*facedesk*

Hey kids. As y'all heard, Jenessa got a job.
Then she lost it two weeks later.
Yeah... about that.
*sigh*
Worked for 5 Buck, Jerremy comes and says "Hey, travel across the USA and do installations??"
I go "OH SO TOTALLY!!!"... zip across the USA and there we are, in a little hotel in a tiny room on the third floor.

Two weeks later.
"Hey, we are trying to up our install time and will have to let you go. Sorry.. kthxbai."
So here I am, the night before I leave, writing about leaving.
Which is redundant.
POINT BEING.

I love you all, being laid off is a bitch.

...
...
...



...
...
...

And I'm leaving behind an awesome guy.
Suck much?

Please and thank you.

-Nessa-

North Carolina Adventure

So.... North Carolina.
Fuck North Carolina, I wanna talk about the drive here lol

Okay, so Jerremy and I left on Tuesday afternoon, around five. We were supposed to leave around twelve.. but Jerremy is a girl and took forever. So we leave, and head off toward Primary Childrens and the canyon leading to Park City. Jerremy is doing ninety, and my little car, full of luggage and just not as cool, was lagging behind, but stoically trying to keep up.
Once we got out of Utah, the driving got easier, mostly because Wyoming is a lot more flat. I was reminded of when we all drove Cameron out to Evanston..
Wyoming was okay. It was freaking cold, but I was really excited to finally be out, be on our way. We stopped in the late afternoon at some small city, already closing down, but found a gas station still open so we could buy some real food.
(I don't know what Jerremy was eating, probably mostly jerky, but as much as I love gushers and granola bars.. I wanted something a little more substantial.)
Filled up and took off again, running like hell from a snowstorm that had started moments after we walked inside the station.
Let me make this clear; I HATE driving in rain, or snow. Mostly because it fucks with my visibility. I'm also scared of sliding off the road, hydroplaning.. Okay, so I'm typical in the sense that anything less than sunshine is gross to drive in.
So, we scamper out of there and keep heading across Wyoming. Now, here's the thing. Wyoming is nice.. the weather just sucks. There was wind blowing snow everywhere across the road, and the snow coming toward my windshield made me feel like I was in warp drive (Star Trek).
We stopped in Cheyenne, I was tired and scared out of my mind from all the wind and snow, and the sun had been down for a while. The truck stop we found was really nice, it even had showered, albeit for ten bucks a pop.
We fell asleep in Jerr's car, and that night makes it on the top of the list for coldest nights ever spent anywhere, for any reason. Even with the massive fluffy blankets, it was all I could do not to curl up and shiver my bones loose.
(Popped some Nyquil at this point; we both really needed to sleep.)
Morning time, sunny.. effing freezing. We turned the car on around eight, just to get the heater going, and even with the sun beating down through the windshield, it didn't lend more than a couple much needed degrees to our atmosphere.
Back on the road again, ready to tackle Nebraska.
Now, Nebraska is horrible. It's a worthless state that has no particular use in our country, but for some reason, people still live there. The damn thing is a little bit shy of 500 miles across, and we did the whole thing that day, and more.
We stopped a few times, and once had to take this insane little detour through a couple towns outside Lincoln, and into Lincoln itself.
Now, I hated Nebraska until we hit Lincoln. But Lincoln is how I pictured Forks to be in Twilight.. small, tiny streets and so green it's almost disorienting.. and just an over all feeling of home.
By this time I had bought a book on CD because I had run out of music I wanted to listen to and was starting to fall asleep at the wheel, yet again. (I'm really terrible at driving long distances I've discovered.)
Now, go figure, I buy a book out of a random and bare assortment of books at a truck stop/gas station combo. I found one book by someone that I actually knew, Nora Roberts, but I read the back and it seemed uninteresting.. Jerremy was itching to get back on the road so I just grabbed a book and went for it.
It was called A Wallflower's Christmas (or something close to it) and lo and behold.. a few chapters in... yes, Jenessa bought a mild sex novel :) In my defense.. it was well written. Desperately predictable.. but isn't love like that anyway?

Okay, so, back to driving. Any of you see those pictures of fireworks on my facebook? Go look. Because Jerremy and I stopped yet again in this little canyon on the way to Kansas City, and it turned out to be a warehouse of sorts. And this warehouse.. was mostly dedicated to the housing of fireworks :)
We aren't talking sparklers and Piccolo Pete's either. We are talking 'illegal in Utah', two feet tall bonanzas of flammable explosives that could take your arm off, and your face along with it.
Jerremy and I plan to return with our final checks and buy at LEAST one of everything.
Excited, much?
Yes, I am, thank you.

So, still driving. To give you an idea of how the driving went.
Home, Utah to Cheyenne, Wyoming - six hours
Cheyenne, Wyoming to Columbia, Missouri - fourteen hours
Columbia, Missouri to Morrisville, North Carolina - sixteen hours
I know, I know, the hour division doesn't make any sense.

We made it just past Kansas City and stopped in Columbia, outside a Comfort Suites and just died in the parking lot. By this time we were perfecting the art of sleeping in a car, and had all Jerr's jackets strewn across the visors to block out the inevitable, early morning sun. 'Course, that doesn't ever work as well as it's supposed to, but we slept in until about nine thirty either way. Who'da thunk so much driving would knock you out like that?
I should probably mention that I was dying inside by this time and Jerr was perfectly alright, go figure. Him and his posh little car and loud music..

Get this, I 'took a shower' in the Comfort Suites Hotel. Locked myself in the bathroom and shoved my head under the sink, washed my face, etc. Two days in a car had reduced me to.. well, God knows what, but I have to say, I don't ever wish to feel quite that unclean again. I could have happily gone through six bottles of body wash and gallon upon gallon of hot scalding water just to wash that endless trip off of my skin..

We drove about nine hundred and fifty miles, give or take. It took us sixteen hours, again, in estimation, and we covered.. five states? Yeah, I think so. Most of it was just a hazy blur, St. Louis was hectic and it started raining buckets (literally, wipers on high, could not see) in Kentucky. Illinois was brief. West Virginia and Virginia, I couldn't tell you which one was which.. but instead of taking our way around the mountains in Virginia, Jerremy's GPS took us straight through this one or two hour long winding canyon.. I was holding my eyes open with toothpicks at this point, and still fighting off sleep with a razorblade.
I'd been downing 5 Hour Energy bottles like water, and was starting to keep myself on a 5 hour schedule, catch one drink dropping off with a new one. I wonder if there are bad health side affects of ingesting too much of that drink..
Either way, I was hopped up on God knows what, and dying to just pull over and take a nap.
Jerremy got pulled over after we finally got out of the endless, devilish canyon with all its twists and turns, but again, avoided the ticket.
Oh, did I mention? We got pulled over in Nebraska as well, but only got a written warning. Go us.

I don't know how I drove the rest of the way. It was two am in Utah, four am in North Carolina, by the time we pulled into the parking lot of the Marriot Residence Inn. I was downing food for the last hour and a half, doing ninety on fifty-five highways, nearly shooting myself off of a clover intersection turn because I took it too sharp, too fast, with not nearly enough warning. GPS is somewhat unreliable like that..

They didn't have our rooms ready, so we crashed in our new managers room for the night. I took the bed, I didn't even have the energy to be courteous and offer it to Jerremy. Once I settled and dragged a blanket over my over-taxed body, I found sleep briefly impossible.. then overwhelmingly inviting.
Let's hear it for unconscious.

That was Friday morning, part one. Fell asleep at four thirty..
Woke up at eleven thirty to Jerremy poking me to wake up. I felt like hell. I knew I looked like hell. But once they handed us our room keys, we settled in, showered, talked a bit.. Then Stephen was calling us to come downstairs and go out with him on an install.

I have to admit, I condsidered becoming a butch lesbian after my first few days here.. I mean, imagine me in baggy black shorts, a vibrant orange shirt, my hair all tied back, no make up, and Chucks. I looked just like one of the guys, just with breasts. Pathetic.
But in all honesty.. I don't know if I really had a choice. I haven't been able to go shopping, and I haven't made any money yet, so all that I have is going to car insurance and a speeding ticket that I got before I even left the state. I don't have anything to wear, uniform wise. Gotta get my hands on some damn khakis...
*sighs deeply*

Friday was spent in an exhausted daze, following Stephen from house to house, getting our first taste of what we would be doing. It largely consists of drilling holes and excessively large amounts of wiring.. nothing difficult, but it's nothing even close to easy, and something I can't say I have had any experience with. I mean, I've wired up my speakers in my room because they got angry and didn't work, but not once in living memory have I ever drilled anything into anything.. for any reason at all. And it takes effort..

My gender is against me out here, for sure. Won't be hard to conquer that, but it's still something to be self conscious about, which I never handle well.

Oh, another thing. I've never been scared of being white.. until I came out here. There are black people everywhere.. and we are talking, arguing in the streets, frightening glares, loud music, porch monkey blacks.
Nothing on their color, of course, I've never been racist, I don't even understand why someone would bother to discrimination determined on ethnicity.. we all have two arms, two legs and a head, beyond that.. anyway.
We did an install in a certain part of town that, come to find out from a fellow tech who came over to drop off some things for us, isn't white friendly, at all. It's actually a dangerous place for us to be, we simply aren't welcome. 'Course Jerremy and I were stuck in this 'hood for about four hours, just waiting for someone to come train us on a million and one things that had been negligently left aside..
But really. Tye said that if us techs keep going over to that neighborhood, one of us could get seriously injured.
Makes me happy, it really does.
So Saturday slowly passed away. Jerremy and I wandered Raleigh, looking for some acceptable food, and discovered a new delicacy of epically unhealthy, southern proportions.
Fried pickles.
Now, before you stick out your tongue and run screaming.. they were really, really good. Just like onion rings, but pickles instead. Dipped in ranch. Holy hell, was that ever the yummiest thing I have ever eaten.
We went home after that, hung out with some of the other techs that Jerr had already unleashed his charismatic self on and made friends out of..

Once again, my sex is against me. I'm the only girl out here, I'm sure I've mentioned this, so for an install job it's difficult.. and making friends is hard too. I'm naturally an introvert, I don't like going out of my way to meet people. And everyone out here is the... I don't know how to explain.
Long shorts, long shirt, baseball cap, tattooed, stoner, video-game, foul-mouthed, party-it-up, type.
I mean, they are cool.. the first guy we met, Tye, he was alright.. He came out with two of his friends, Colton and another. They get along fine with Jerremy but.. I'd truly prefer to hide in my room for the next four months, even though I can't afford to do that.

Oh well. Shit happens, I knowingly chose a job that is unintentionally sexist so.. I will deal. And become lesbian if needs be :P
(Joking about the lesbian part.)

Sunday was slow.. but no work. The one day of the week I can briefly not have a seizure. How I shall treasure those hours.. considering I slept in until ten today, I don't think I made the greatest use of the beginning of my day. We went out to Greenville with Tye to grab some stuff from an old friend of his, and the drive took up our afternoon. Jerr and I just came home and watched a handful of episodes of Californication (becoming a close runner up to Dexter as far as my favorite show).

So here I sit, in my little hotel room, missing home....

It's nice to have a smile back on my face. It's nice to feel like I'm moving forward, even with excessive obstacles in my way.

It's beautiful here too. Come visit, I miss you guys :)

Blowfish

--
I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around,
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
not even close…
not even a little bit…
not even at all.

This is me right now.

In other news, The Festival of Colors was awesome, I'm sure you've all seen my many multi-colored pictures, so I needn't post them here. Just don't get that stuff in your mouth.. I was spitting the rainbow the whole day.
My friends and I have decided to try and do a weekly outing of some sort every Sunday.. this weekend is going to be the hot springs :) We are going to go during the day, so I will finally be able to see where I've walked all these months :)
My car broke again; fuel injectors this time. One went boom and I kept driving on it unknowingly.. the shop said that my car could have exploded into flames at any moment, isn't that lovely? Yeah, I thought so too.
So that's getting fixed right now.

Megan keeps saying she wants to move away to somewhere with beaches.. most recently it's been southern California, and while California is expensive.. it's a nice thought. I'd like to move out of state, get some new experiences under my belt. I'm worried that I'd be running away from a few things if I left, but maybe running isn't such a bad thing anymore. We'll see how that goes.

No real plans beyond that. I've been watching Bones like a bitch, Netflix online is pretty much a gift from God, lemme tell you. I just wish they had some of the other shows I like, like House, that I could see from the beginning.

Oh, funny story. I had to bring a drunk friend home last night so I could take care of them, and Angelique's dad noticed even though I hoped that he didn't. The next morning he just pokes his head in my room and asks "So, how is you inebriated friend doing this morning?" with this knowing smile on his face.
I thought it was pretty funny :)

Luvs
-Nessa-