Twenty Four Hours Later

(Written 2/23/09)
Tonight..was the most awful, horrible, eye-opening night of my life. It was also the most wonderful, amazing, tender, heart-warming thing I have ever been through. Sure, that doesn't make any sense, I'm quite sure your utterly lost, but it all has to do with Sam, which should explain a lot. I think everyone who reads this will already know exactly what has gone down over the past few days. So I will give a hopefully summed up version of events in order to keep from wasting time and cyberspace, and also so I can get everything down that I need to, for documentation purposes. =)
Alright. So this started on Friday, when my parents recieved an anonymous letter in the mail about me. This letter was not brought up until Saturday afternoon when, while I was at work, my dad called Sam under the pretense of asking if he wanted some excess furniture we had when he moved out. He proceeded to ask exactly when Sam was planning on moving out, and also inquired about my curfew; he wanted to know how often I was with Sam when this happened. Sam and I had decided that it was time to 'tell my parents' he was 'moving out'. Of course they were supposed to think this was a recent thing, and it would just take a lot of stress off our relationship that I had felt lately coming from my parents. Instead of an easy transition, however, this letter walked into existance and decided to mess with my life a little bit more.
I did not get my eyes/hands on this letter until tonight, Sunday. My parents handed it to me, and I flipped it open immediately, only to see that it was typed. The only thing hand written was the name and address, and since I did not recognize any specific writing style I'd seen before, I prodeeded to open the letter.
This is how it read:
Over the past few months your daughter, Jenessa, has been lying to the both of you quite frequently. Beginning with her and Mike's separation, she began to descend into a darker state of mind and soon that darkness manifested itself in her actions. WIth all the problems and turmoil she kept inside, she started to use outlets that have the potential to limit her options for later on in life.Over the course of approximately a year she has stolen multiple hundreds of dollars in merchandise from various stores. From what I know she has never been caught but if she is it would be detrimental to her future.Jenessa's relationship with Sam began to escalate as the time they spent together grew more frequent. Soon it became mainly focused on intercourse. This dramatically increased once Sam moved out into his own apartment. She frequently spends the night at Sam's apartment, masking it by telling you she is staying at a girls house.When she and Mike had sex it was never premediated and it was viewed as a mistake, though it seems that when she and Sam have sex they treat it like it is normal and acceptable. I assume that this is due to the getting drunk and having sex lifestyle that she and Sam seem to have adopted.Sam, being newly independent and having new expenses, is struggling to make ends meet and having a girlfriend isn't making it any easier. Sam is in no position to be a father or a husband, and by continuing to have sex they are on the path towards both.I just want what's best for Jenessa, she is a daughter of God and knows it and I feel obligated to do all I can to get her back to her Heavenly Father.

I have to say, this anonymous writer makes some good points. Stealing WILL be detrimental to my future. Thank God I stopped. That was wrong, very bad, and not something I intend to continue.I was lying too much to my parents. Which obviously just makes everything worse when all the lies come out from under the table. My relationship with Sam was getting really out of hand, I guess by normal standards. I mean, people do what we do all the time...but by Mormon standards I guess that we were like utterly beyond out of control rather than just getting there.Sam is in no position to be a father or a husband right now, or in the near future. And I feel absolutely awful for having taken part in putting him in a situation where he may of had to consider being one or both of those things at this moment in time.You can win any Mormon over by throwing in the feelings of obligation to help aforementioned rebellious teenager back to her Heavenly Father.
No bad reflections on God, because I realize that's what he wants for me too, but really, I have to hand it to whoever wrote this, because it was perfect. No blame was placed, and no straightforward opinions shared, all it did was make the reader think exactly what the writer wanted them too, without the reader ever even realizing it.
At this point, I find it prudent to share my theory on exactly how this letter came into being. I think that it was a collaborative effort. This next part halfway makes me feel like shit for saying it. Because I only care about one of the two people I am about to mention. I think this was created, written and composed by Megan Rooker, and Brantley Miller.
I don't really care about Brantley, and I can say that with blunt honesty. I hold the same indifference toward Brantley that he does towards Sam. Which is something close to utter loathesome contempt.Cut out the loathesome part and that's what I feel towards Brantley at this point in my life.But Megan, she has been a really great friend to me, and didn't deserve to be treated the way she was by me over the past six to seven months. I feel genuinely awful about how I have behaved. And to even have to consider that she took part in orchestrating the perfect singular one-blow destruction of my life, hurts...a lot.But I suppose that's how life works. To quote Anberlin - 'We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we truly love.'I just hope this wasn't about vengance. Cuz that only makes this harder to consider.
I told Sam to wait for twenty four hours for everything to work out. It was a shot in the dark, words spoken in a desperate attempt at comfort.But twenty four hours later, everything has come out alright. I did break up with Sam. And it was more painful than I had ever expected, not being his, even though I'm pretty sure that didn't last for more than an hour.But I'm his again. And he loves me. More than he ever has before. So everything will be okay. I love him just as much.
Jorden said something that made me really happy. Couples that work through things like this are the ones that last. I sincerely hope that's true.
Thank you to Alyse, Jorden, Cameron, Deena, Mike and Alex. You have all helped me through so much, loved me during every second of it, and I am so grateful. Words cannot express how much I love each and every one of you. Thank you, again. You're all completely amazing. I respect you, I trust you, and I would do anything for you.
Much love, duckies, and goodnight for now.