Quick Skip and A Jump

They say eavesdroppers will never hear anything good about themselves. I suppose when people snoop around where they don't belong they are going to end up seeing and reading stuff they really just didn't want to know.
In either case, I've hardly learned my lesson.
Sad part is, if someone knew what I'd done, it would probably cause an odd rift in the trust I've built with them. But being me, I'm paranoid, and jealous, and very protective. It's no excuse, and I'm not trying to make any...but I'm just sad.
How can I go from calm and happy to silent, pensive, and borderline upset all in a few minutes?

Updates:

• Cam and Cori broke up. That came as a shocking surprise, one I think I'd rather live without. After hearing the back-story it all makes sense, but I'm still sad about it. They made such a cute couple.

• Sam and I are having our one year anniversary on the 8th of August. One year...geez.

• Sam is going to college at the University of Utah, two hours away, up in Logan. I almost have use of my brother's truck, so I'm not like terrified or anything...

That's a lie.

Honestly, I'm scared stupid of Sam going to college. I know it's what he wants to do, and will support him wholeheartedly... but in truth I'm just waiting for the day he calls me or sees me and says "Hey, this whole long distance thing really isn't working out."
I talked to Deena and Jorden about it a bit. More Dee than Jorden really. She's very helpful when your trying to work through big life changes, because she's been through things like this, and is good at looking at a situation and judging it dispassionately.
In other words, she gives good advice.

The main thing she brought up was my biggest worry. Girls. Girls, girls, girls.
They're going to be everywhere, and my boyfriend is, by basic standards, pretty good looking. So, like I said, the day he comes up to me and says it would be best for it to break it off...well let's say I won't be caught off guard.
But I never said anything about not being totally devastated.

Back to updates.

• Rob and Amber are getting married tomorrow, the 24th, and Amber is about 4 months pregnant at the moment. Congratulations to them both, I do ever so hope it works out for them and their kid. Their reception is the first of August.

• The first of August is also the Highland Fling and Sam's little brother Eli's day to get baptized.

• Sam is getting a new tattoo. I don't want him to, but I can't change his mind. It's a Taurus tattoo. Have I ever mentioned that all my boyfriends have been Taurus?

• Warped Tour is on the 8th.

Well, that's all I'm coming up with right now.
Much love.
-Nessa-

Douchebagery...and the like.

So I might be going to Boondocks with Zack, that'll be interesting. It was really funny though because he said that we'd be on the Go Karts like 95% of the time. I already had him pegged for a kart enthusiast, so I'm not very surprised.
Confirmation: Should I be wanting to go, I can, because he agreed. Fun freaking stuff.

I don't know if I should go though. Sam said it was fine, like he didn't care. He's playing Halo anyway lol.

Well, I should be getting ready for the epic "LET ME DRIVE MY BROTHERS TRUCK" argument with my parents. Just watch, their requirements will include, but not be limited to

• My paying tons of the insurance
• My chores getting done daily
• My ALWAYS telling them where I am

Never mind that Kendall will be bothering me about it too. What with the whole he thinks I will totally trash his car. I mean, it's not like I could even if I wanted to, it's a truck, and a really durable one at that, and come on, I know how to drive.
He said if I take it off roading he will slaughter me painfully...
No worries though. I've been through that with Megan behind the wheel, and trust me when I say NEVER AGAIN.

Either how...
Oh.
Brantley.

He and Hayleigh got broken up by her parents because they think that Hayleigh is too young for as serious of a relationship as she was having with Brantley. I've heard other reasons but I'm inclined to believe that one because it's the kindest...and all the other stuff I've heard has come from people who really don't like Brantley.
So, he called me the morning it happened, on the 4th of July, funnily enough. He was crying and asked me to come over, to which I agreed, Lord knows why.
We talked the day after as well, and it all ended in crying and stupidity.

From then on I decided I wasn't talking to him at all ever.
It doesn't really work.
He's the only human being capable of getting under my skin that terribly, and staying there, like an itch that cannot be scratched, and yet doesn't itch in the first place.
He apoligized to me though. About the letter.
He said that feels his reasons behind sending the letter were and are justified, but that the way he went about it and how vindictive he was was wrong, and that he was truly sorry.
He's also wanting and begun to make many changes in his life happen, and all I can say is that I hope, for his sake, that he isn't lying to himself and can truly make himself a better person, inside and out.

Beyond that, I hope I never have to see/speak to/associate with him in any way again.
Not for mean reasons either. I am letting my grudge of about five months slowly go away. It's definetly hard, but made easy by the fact that he finally apoligized.

So anyway, I'm going to go get sushi, and try to spice up my life a little, so much love to everyone, and I'll post later if anything of note happens.

Oh, did I mention that after I painted my room, Kendall fingerpainted bright green dicks all over the walls? Yeah.... he's twenty and a Marine, go figure. He acts like he's six. It's to be expected, but still. Come on.
He's paying me back in a lovely way however, so I suppose I really shouldn't complain.

Much love.
-Nessa-

I'm unsure.

So after a small bowl of cereal, and a failed attempt to wake up Rob in the meanest of ways, I find myself here, on my computer that runs slower than an aged snail, blogging. I haven't been on for over a month, last post date being May 18th.
Didn't really have a REASON to get on anyway. But, I figured that after a month of neglect, I could do for at least a small update on life as it goes on. I warn you however, my life is just as boring as it was on May 18th.
Lemme see...
Sammy tried to start a blog and I don't really know how that went. Badly I suppose, his only post consists of one line containing a swear word and then utter jibberish. Cameron and Coriann are still together, and as adorable as ever, we are going down to see her on Thursday.
I still work at 5 Buck... yes, I know I've said I'll get a different job for ages now, and it hasn't happened. I'd probably be one of the head leaders in the League of Procrastination if there was one.
Megan has moved out to some random BYU standard approved place down in the Provo/Orem area. I'd go with her if it wasn't for the issue of boys not being allowed after 10 pm. That's just not going to go well with me. I'd probably, A: Get kicked out almost immediately, or B: Be at Sam's place all the time since I could and never go home, making moving out to that apartment pointless ANYWAY.
OH!
I had an adventure last Friday =).
Me, Angelique, Jorden, Skyler, Rob, and Micheal all went up to the Spanish Fork hot springs. Now, while most people go during the day, we got lost, and got up the canyon and to the parking place by 11:00. We met a couple coming down the trail, and they forewarned us to the 40 minute walk ahead of ourselves.
Here's the issue. Six teenagers walking on a thin mountain path closer to midnight than is morally prudent, headed toward a hot springs that requires no clothing. Did I mention that we had no flashlights beyond our cell phones, all of which were dying?
I sorta threw in the clothing thing as a joke. I mean, yes, clothing is technically not required on the trail up, or at the hot springs themselves, but we experienced no nudity, self proclaimed or otherwise.
Jorden went first, then me holding his hand, the Angelique holding mine, her holding on to Skyler, then Rob and Micheal bringing up the rear. They weren't holding hands though. Losers. Hehe.
The walk ended up taking an hour and twenty minutes as we stumbled along the dark path, mostly blind, and I almost fell down a sharp decline where the path had crumbled away quite suddenly. Only the presence of a guard rail and Jorden's hand saved me from probably sliding all the way down the the river, and probably not with only a couple scratches.
There really is nothing like walking in a dense forest with a bunch of friends late at night. The stars were beyond spectacular; Angelique and I were mesmerized. The main memory I have from the night is the sight of Jorden's white shirt, which I stared at the vast majority of time, trying not to be scared shitless.
The path we were walking on ran straight along the river that stemmed from the hot springs, and often times became very narrow without warning. At least, that's how it seemed, considering I couldn't see worth a damn. Jorden hanging on to me basically saved me from going insane, since I'm so scared of heights.
In the end, the very long walk was worth the twenty minutes we got to spend at the hot springs, before we had to leave due to the lightning that started flashing over the mountains. It was too far away to hear thunder, but hey, why take the change of ruining a night withe electrocution?
Because we wanted to hurry, we ended up expending our cell phones batteries to make the path easier to see on the way back down. This time the 40 minutes was an accurate estimation, and it went much faster considering the talkativeness of both Rob and Michael, who were my new walking buddies on the way back down.
After getting all worn out, we passed out in the car, all except for Michael, the driver, who I feel bad for.
Angelique picked up her car and took me and Sky home so Michael could get back to explain just why he was so late to his mother. I left my wallet in his car, which had to be retrieved at a later date.
So that was really fun, as a melodramatic ending.

Hmmm....
Me and Rob just went and got Chili Cheese Fries from Weinerschnizel (however you spell that). Amber kidnapped him so I had to go get his Orange Juice for him. Sam's watching Scare Tactics. It's kinda creepy..

Anywho...
Alyse went to Girls Camp today. I'm friendless.
And the kitten likes chewing on me.
Bye bye.

Just one of those weeks

The weather is heating up, no one blogs anymore, we have newbies at the apartment, stuff is changing.
Summertime brings a lot of stuff. Allergies for Sam and Alyse. Tank tops and shorts for me. Deena in her underwear lol. Weekends we see Cameron and Thor (Jorden), and Rob has become the new temporary tenant.
Rob is a package deal; with him comes the lovely and pregnant Amber, who I did not previously know well, but have come to like.
I no longer dislike Kayleanne as I once did, she went from annoying to, well, pending friend material. I guess you gain respect/sympathy for someone who has as terrible of a home life as she has in recent days. We plan to hang out soon enough, and she even extended the offer to have me as a tenant in the apartment her and her Cali friend are intending on getting.
Angel and James confuse the hell out of me, as is per usual. I just wish I could knock some ideas in her head, ideas that would most likely help her out a bit relationship wise. I love that girl.
Alyse decided to chop her hair off, it's cute. =) I preferred her with long hair, but that's probably because I envied it so much, tee hee!
My Sam got himself a job. Telemarketing, which I find entirely too entertaining. I keep telling him that if he ever calls me trying to sell me a free trial of *insert bullshit item here*, I'll kill him =)
Mike texted me the other day, letting me know that he got in a car crash and totalled his Volvo (I think), sustaining rib injuries, although thankfully his bones remained severely bruised, not broken. I still intend to go to graduation to see him, along with Megan of course.
I had the funny thought the other day that I have been working at 5 Buck for over a year now. And that the people from there have gone from fellow employees to friends. I really enjoy being around Zack, even if he does make me feel stupid.
I also really enjoy Justin. I text both him and Zack on occasion, they are both awesome guys, and I could probably hang out with either one of them on a reasonably comfortable level. I think I'd have a better time of it with Justin though... He enjoys my company, as he has told me before.
My life is happy, albiet dull, I like change, and haven't had too much of it lately.
The more time I spend with Sam, the more I just wanna go live with him...that thought scares me....
I've started having nightmares about certain odd things again...

So anywho, I'm out of stuff to talk about, things to tell you, I'm tired, so goodnight.
-Nessa-

Gimmie back my PIN!

So, as is life, one encounters problems.
My current problem is that some moron got a hold of my account information (God knows how) and is now charging minor things to my totally empty account, causing me to have to pay massive amounts of money in bounce fees.
I am extremely angry about this. I got one bounce notice in the mail, thought nothing of it, that I had just been negligent..
But the second one came a few days later, and it said that the fees charged to my account (7.71, what IS this asshole doing..) were charged on a day I can safely remember not having spent a fucking penny.
SO. Now I get to go to my bank on Monday, try to fix everything erstwhile also attempt to sidestep the en masse overdraft fees that were not mine in the first place..
I have an account balance tabulator on my phone, where I keep track on a paranoid scale of everything that I spent. I just went through it twice, and I am for damn sure not spending this money.
Someone on this planet right now needs a swift kick in the ass.
Funny though, that they decided to steal the account information of the worlds poorest teen, who also unfortunately knows how to budget on a low scale, and, although she is slow, does seem to realize that she is suddenly spending money that she does not remember spending.
I guess I just have to be grateful that this person hasn't charged six hundred dollars worth of cleaning supplies or some such rot.. Now that would really just suck. But it would also make my job of ensuring my bank doesn't make me pay for overdraft much easier.
Sometimes the world of technology and superior everything just sucks.
Right now is one of those times.
Goodnight all. I am stressed and sleepy. I no longer wander the World Wide Web until four am. Quite the contrary I get sleepy after twelve o'clock at night. Hooray for unofficial bedtimes.
-Nessa-

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Today had it's good parts, but I'm pretty sure that between the hours of three thirty to approximately five in the afternoon, it sucked ass.
Pretty much I got in a debacle with my mom...On Mother's Day.
Which ended in me declaring that I will be out of the house by Saturday, and hopefully living with Angelique.
What I'd really like to be doing is moving in to the apartment, but we all know the world would explode (to say the absolute least) and so I grudgingly gave up that idea immediately.
In other news, Cameron has returned once again to Job Corps.. Coriann has left the state back to her beloved Star Valley, where the clan shall hopefully be visiting her by the end of this month. I'm not entirely sure if I will be among the visiting crew, but I shall do my utmost to make it so I am. I miss Cori.
My hours got cut at work, due to a fail in my boss's brain.. It's not just my hours either, it's everyone. Sky's dad was angsting about finances, thusly Sky cut down on school lunch shift hours, thusly Chrisi now works evenings, thusly evening crew's hours get smushed.
I momentarily return to the old grindstone long enough to moan "I neeeed a new joooooobbbbb."
Also, I will not be working for Vector whatever. Knife selling company that Jorden works for. It would require a car, or other reliable mode of transportation, which I do not have. This fact was part of the argument I had with my mom earlier today, in fact.
Tomorrow is Sam's birthday too. I already gave him his humongoginormous air soft gun, because he wanted to show Cameron while he was down for the weekend. I'm such a worthless pushover. Oh well =)
I haven't talked to Mike for a week now, not like this is an accomplishment or anything. On nights when I have my own personal issues with Sam, I miss talking to him. There is an odd, empty, echoey space where he used to be. It only is noticeable sometimes, but tonight I can really feel it, since I am talking about it.
Megan was talking about Brantley earlier, and Sam, noticing her texts, addressed the subject. Thankfully it didn't take me long at all to ensure him that I would, under no circumstances, never ever be Brantley's friend again. For obvious he-is-a-total-dick reasons lol.
Although one thing I find odd. Sam said I am not allowed to be Brantley's friend again. I quickly sidestepped that and got him to just say he would set terms for my being around him, but the first part struck me oddly.
I don't like it when people tell me what to do. And hearing him say that gave me a weird feeling. Nothing cataclysmic, I just noticed the anomaly. Right away I told him I could make that decision just fine on my own and it was alright again, but still. Just noticing.
We watched Nick and Norah's tonight too, that was fun. I do ever so adore that movie =).
But Sam didn't cuddle with me during it. Didn't really even try. So I ended up using Jorden as a pillow for a short amount of time, then just rolling up in Sam's Lone Peak blanket and angsting. I gave myself a little emotional lee way, just cuz I'd gotten all messed up over my mother earlier.
When you tell yourself your acting oddly for a reason, it's usually a lot easier to control your feelings rather than if your acting from pure driven emotion with no logical reason behind it.
Well, that's how I work anyway.
I am currently trying to help Alex out with his social skills. That isn't going to awesomely, since he seems to be stuck thinking he is a nobody Asian with nothing special to give to the world. It's rather annoying.
Did you know, that when ever I take Sam's car home on the weekends, I keep having terrified thoughts that it will randomly get stolen right out from under me and that Sam will like kill me? It's really funny, I love how paranoid I get about utterly stupid things like that.
Either way, I really just want to go to sleep, and since our washer and dryer are once again both disconnected, I cannot do my wash, and am just all around annoyed at the moment.
So Goodnight all, and sleep well.
Bye bye.
-Nessa-

Ode to Fredrick

So the goldfish that most of you didn't know I had died tonight... K, this morning.

Sort of a depressing, melodramatic end to the evening, I must say. I guess I wasn't a born fishy person, unlike my boyfriend, but then again, Sam is just good at everything.

/Fail.

Oh well...

And I also decided, should I ever care to replace my dear Fredrick, that I will not name my new addition until I have acertained that it will survive more than the next 48 hours in my care. Or lack thereof.

No! Seriously though! I fed him, and let him have sunshine, and he had a pretty bowl, and he should have been a happy goldfish, but no, he keeled over and died and I came home to his glazed over little eyes.

*sniff* I wish I made him happier, just enough so he didn't decide to off himself...

I suddenly feel very discouraged and depressed as far as my pet care skills go.

But on a slightly happier note...

Star Trek (even though I know next to nothing about it) WAS AMAZING. OH MY GOD, GO SEE THAT MOVIE. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS VISUALLY ORGASMIC.

Okay, I officially scared myself with that last sentence, but nonetheless I maintain that was the best movie I have seen this year. No joke. And it will most likely stay that way... although Transformers could come in a close second.

So, go spend some worthwhile money at the theater, and don't buy yourself a fishie, that's my advice for tonight.

Much love.

-Nessa-