Cutting Corners

I have a fatal character flaw. Often, when I should most speak my mind, I shut up. So, here we go. I don't feel like shutting up for tonight.

Jorden.
I care about you. I'd go so far as to say I love you, in a sisterly way of course, we've cleared this up. I have made it a point to never judge one on their lifestyle and instead look at them as a person and care about that. Everything else becomes rather menial after I attain the proper perspective.
But it's because of this perspective that I'm saying this.
I am worried as hell about you. I'm not you, I haven't lived your life, I haven't seen what you've seen, I don't understand what goes on in your head any better than your neighbors dog, but why are you doing what your doing?
Drinking, fine. People do it, whatever. Smoking....well, really, if you want to, hell, knock yourself out, again, your decision.
But come on... Fuck, Jorden, I don't want to see you doing this. When I say I love you I mean it! I'm not sticking my nose in your business, it's your goddamn life, but please, please, I am on my knees begging you. don't hurt yourself any more than...well, I don't know.
I know you don't want people telling you how to live. Your family gives you shit for your decisions, hell, even your roomates do sometimes. I watch, I learn, and I leave you alone.
I just hope you aren't rebelling to rebel. I hope you have a fucking good reason for all this. And I hope you know I care. Because I do. A lot. Irregardless of how long I've known you.
I'll be quiet now.
(I repeated myself a LOT in that paragraph.)

Cam...I'm sorry for poking my nose into your business about your life. Once Jorden put my questions into perspective for me, I realized I could very well be digging where I don't belong, so I'm sorry.

Sam..baby... When I say nothing is wrong, and stick to it, and don't to tell you something, it means I really do have shit on my mind. You know this. And do you know why I still don't tell you? Because I don't want my opinion to become a deciding factor in a choice your making in your life. Because I don't want to end up giving you the answer you don't want to hear. Because I don't want to feel like a girlfriend who plays Mom.
You've never let me down before. Ever. But on 4/20, even though I sat right next to you that night, I really just wanted to cry.
Because you had told me you wouldn't. And as big of a deal as I should NOT be turning this into.... that night was the first time you ever let me down.
And the fact that, if maybe I'd been a little more opinionated, you possibly might not have chosen what you did, it bothers me. Reference how in the beginning I said that I shut up when I really shouldn't.
I hope you feel better soon...I know life is, well, bad right now. I'm here for you, whenever you need me, for as long as that may be. I love you.

Okay, all that's off my chest. I can't think of anyone else that I've been to quiet towards as of late. If I've made anyone angry.... I wasn't aiming for it, that's for damn sure.

Goodnight.
-Nessa-

P.S. - Hey Alyse, I posted.